Spirituality ... Love and Marriage
Autumn Romance and the happiness of fulfillment
By Carol Denker, Author of Autumn Romance: Stories and Portraits of Love after 50
I had just started this piece for the website “Maturity Matters” when I smiled — because I realized that those two words, “maturity…matters” were at the heart of what I wanted to say.
Three years ago, I got this idea: to create a photo/essay collection of couples who found love in the second half of life. The idea came because I noticed (with a start), that there were absolutely no images of older couples in love around. One could see plenty of photos of younger couples, with perfect bodies, kissing and hugging. But it was as if passion disappeared as soon as wrinkles made their appearance.
I knew that wasn’t true. And being a journalist, I was curious to explore this phenomenon. So I searched for couples who had fallen in love when each was 50 or older, and began to take their pictures.
It was when I began to hear their stories, however, that my idea turned into a wonderful and enlightening journey. What I heard turned every conventional notion of love, sex and age on its head.
- An attractive couple in their mid-80s—newlyweds— shared that they were enjoying the best sex of their lives.
- Another couple described a joyful morning habit of toasting their happiness.
- Then there was the couple who passionately reunited after 50 years apart.
Mostly I saw a radiant happiness that society tells us belongs to the young. Except it was happening among older folk. .
Life’s lessons learned
After interviewing over 60 couples, the proof was in: an “autumn romance” can be incredibly special. And I began to see why.
Romance in the second half of life is conducted between two people who have had the opportunity to become their best selves. Who have, in other words, used the years to mature.
I started to think about what “mature” means….
A word that’s acquired a slightly negative cast in our youth-obsessed culture is really a wonderful notion: mature means to be fully developed. To have ripened, to have fulfilled one’s promise.
In interview after interview, I heard about men and women finally being able to love someone unconditionally—because they had come to love themselves.
- I heard people talk about looking honestly at their lives and deciding to do things differently.
- I heard about starting over and overcoming loss.
- People had learned life’s lessons and were applying them. (This is called wisdom and it comes with maturity.)
Not everyone takes that opportunity to mature. But many do—and oh what a difference that makes!
The love stories I heard were extraordinary. And I wanted to share the good news: an autumn romance can be far more soulful, sexy and satisfying than we ever imagined.
Carol Denker, M.S., M.Ed, the author of Autumn Romance: Stories and Portraits of Love after 50, will be sharing some of those stories in the months to come.